Many of us have heard the phrase “fake it ‘till you make it.” The idea suggests that if you want to change something about yourself, you should just force the change and fake it until it becomes more comfortable and natural for you. 

If you are naturally shy, but you want to be more outgoing, just start acting more extroverted and you will eventually become that way. If you hate going to class, just pretend you love your classes and you will eventually enjoy your studies more. If you feel awkward, just feign confidence and you will eventually feel more self-assured. 

The “fake it ‘till you make it” mentality gives people the opportunity to be whoever they want to be, as long as they commit to the process of faking it at first. 

This mentality seems liberating because it gives you the freedom to curate the “best” version of yourself. Anything you are insecure, uncomfortable or unhappy about can turn into something new and improved. 

However, this mentality can be isolating, exhausting and damaging.

Outwardly faking aspects of your personality can cause you to feel disconnected from your true self and the world around you. You can start to feel like you are living a lie because your inward experience isn’t aligned with your outward behavior. 

Feeling like a fraud leads to feelings of shame and guilt, which only furthers the divide between who you are pretending to be and who you are. Hiding a genuine part of yourself from the world is a lonely experience. 

Faking it until you make it is debilitating over time. It takes a lot of effort to force yourself to be different, especially when the only motivator is your self-hatred. 

The energy that you put into faking something could be better spent on accepting yourself. It is so draining to pretend you like something when you don’t or vice versa. Living inauthentically is unsatisfying. 

Faking aspects of yourself is damaging to your mental and emotional health. Observing and accepting your thoughts and emotions and then responding to them is a healthy practice. Hiding from and fighting your thoughts and emotions and then faking your response to them is an unhealthy practice. Every positive interaction that comes from whatever you are pretending to be reinforces the idea that you weren’t good enough to begin with. 

It is much more productive to focus your attention on accepting who you are, as you are.

Your thoughts and emotions are valuable signals. Not every single thought or feeling should be taken seriously, but many thoughts and feelings can guide you in the direction that is right for you. 

Learning who you are is important and you can’t begin to have a positive relationship with yourself when you are faking aspects of your personality. If you are shy, be shy. If you hate going to class, find a major with classes that interest you. If you feel awkward, let yourself feel that. 

Accepting yourself is easier said than done, but your energy is better spent on acceptance than playing pretend. Faking it until you make it is unsustainable and will just prolong your unhappiness with yourself.