I think it’s time to address the stigma that revolves around when my life is supposed to “begin.”

As a young woman, I have encountered many times when adults have said to me, “When you marry a good man and you two have children and your life finally starts.”

Why does my life only begin when I find a partner, and he puts a baby in me? Why is it only then that my life becomes worth something?

Why can’t my life be worth it now?

Why can’t my life start after I graduate college? Why not after I secure a big-girl job? Why not when I become financially stable and can afford to live in a place on my own?

It is so common for people to connect life challenges with the challenges of having kids. 

“You think you’re broke now? Wait until you have children,” “How are you going to handle that when you have kids?” “Think how much harder that’s going to be once you have children,” “You’re not going to be able to get away with that when you have kids around.”

What if I don’t want kids around? What if I have no desire to be a mother? What if I am perfectly content with finding a husband and him and I spending happily ever after, just the two of us?

People aren’t really sure what to say when I tell them that. They can’t believe I would skip out on the chance of “giving my life purpose.”

“There’s no way you’re not having kids,” “What are you going to do with yourself then?” “Don’t you want a family?” “You’ll change your mind.”

Maybe so.

But in the meantime, I’ll carry myself through the backlash and negative comments about being a woman who’s not using her body for what it was “made for.” I’ll scout through the thin dating pool of men who are also unsure if being a parent is the right move for them. I’ll listen to my friends talk about their visions of motherhood and smile in awe at their excitement for the future.

With that I must emphasize, just because I’m uncertain if I want children of my own, doesn’t mean that I dislike kids altogether.

Being one of four children, I am guaranteed to hold an auntie position at some point. I will be graced with the presence of little toes and chubby fingers on a regular basis — I’ll just be able to send them home and enjoy the comfort of my nice and quiet house at the end of the day.

Being solely responsible for another human is a dream many people have, but it’s not everyone’s.

Children have their whole lives ahead of them, as do I; let me be the one to decide how and when to make it worth something.