The first and last time I was in a wedding, I spent well over $1,000. To some, that’s not much at all. To a 21-year-old full-time student working limited hours, that’s too much money to spend on a single day.

There’s so much to spend money on — a dress, alterations, shoes, hair, makeup, gifts, the bachelorette trip, outfits, decorations, etc. It’s ridiculous how much being in a wedding party can cost.

It is unfair when a bride plans all these extravagant activities and isn’t transparent about all the costs. I’ve heard stories where brides will ask their bridesmaids how much money they’re comfortable spending for the wedding. I wasn’t that lucky and my bill added up quickly. 

Not to mention, some bachelorette parties have turned into bachelorette weeks, where the bride and her wedding party go on a trip to celebrate. This usually includes several themes which, of course, require items not found in your average closet. Some themes include “last disco,” “color night,” “final fiesta” and “bride’s last rodeo.” I had to go out of my way to buy cowgirl boots, a wig and so much more. 

The decorations and gifts are often at the expense of the wedding party, which is understandable when it’s not for an entire week’s worth of themes. Let it be noted that about 90% of decorations are used specifically as backdrops for getting all the post-worthy photos. It’s all for show. 

I’ve heard of brides that help their bridesmaids pay for at least one part of their wedding expenses whether it be the dress, the hair or the makeup. Considering the bride usually has the final say in dress styles, hair stylists and makeup artists, it would make sense that one of these is covered as a form of gratitude by the bride. 

This would help some of the financial load bridesmaids have, but it seems that “gifting your girls” isn’t as common anymore. This is probably because these weddings are overly expensive and they don’t want to add to their costs. 

According to a 2017 “WeddingWire” study, bridesmaids spend an average of $1,200 on wedding-related details. Five years later, that cost can easily become more than $1,800. 

Now I know that being in a wedding is a personal choice. I’ve heard the arguments a million times. “You don’t have to say yes” or “You should know that weddings are expensive.” What people don’t think about is the uncomfortableness that comes with telling a friend — often a very close one — no, when asked to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor. 

When did weddings become an excuse to get the best Instagram photos? What happened to people just being happy to celebrate their love? Weddings nowadays put less emphasis on the couples and instead emphasize making it “the perfect day” for guests. If it doesn’t look lavish, the bride doesn’t want it. 

It’s sad but true that wedding-related expenses can interfere with the relationship between the bride and her bridesmaids. Weddings shouldn’t cost an arm and a leg to be in. If a bride values you enough, she’ll understand that you don’t want to go into debt to be part of her big day.