Whenever it gets cold outside, what’s on my mind isn’t copping a cup of hot cocoa or decorating trees. As soon as a single snow flurry floats from the sky, I’m thinking about what bullshit they put on Netflix this year.

This year, one of these movies is “Falling for Christmas,” a movie that seemed to have scrapped its entire soundtrack budget to bag Lindsay Lohan, the “Freaky Friday” star, as the lead.

One prominent part of the soundtrack is Lohan singing “Jingle Bell Rock,” a callback to her role in the cult classic “Mean Girls,” but the single’s rap feature is a jarring choice for a Christmas song. Ali Tomineek raps, “I think I fell in love again, but I’m done/ Bring it back to Lindsay Lohan, ha ha ha.”

Lohan’s character, Sierra Belmont, is an heiress to a large hospitality business and has every need taken care of for her. Offered a fake “vice president of atmosphere” job to work with her father, she thinks about her potential, and of course, her dead mom.

On the way to a snowy photo shoot with her boyfriend Tad, Sierra sings to Christmas music, but Tad calls her pitchy and changes the station, sealing Tad’s fate as the discarded love interest. Her life’s put on a complete pause when she gets amnesia and is separated from Tad.

The movie follows Tad’s adventures for occasional comic relief, but the meat of the story takes place at the North Star Lodge after the sheriff sends Sierra home with a complete stranger.

The movie never specifies her age, but this woman played teenagers in 2004. No amount of cheek and lip fillers can erase my memory of her “Parent Trap” (1998) performance. So, it’s hard to imagine the spoiled heiress as anything other than an infantilized 36-year-old woman.

Chord Overstreet, who you might recognize as the annoying blond kid from “Glee,” does a good job of playing Jake who owns a fruitless ski lodge owned by his dead wife’s family. His main personality trait is being helpful.

I have no problems with either Lohan’s or Overstreet’s performances, though Lohan does read her lines like a narrator at times. The main problem is, in romantic comedies, you have to act like you’re in love with each other. Even when the movie is bad, good chemistry can make it a classic.

I knew going in that “Falling” wouldn’t hold a (cinnamon) candle to Netflix’s “The Princess Switch” (2018), but admittedly, I expected a film that’s at least better than “The Princess Switch: Switched Again” or “The Princess Switch 3: Romancing the Star.” 

Somehow, they just can’t compare. Vanessa Hudgens’ performances make those sequels at least a little interesting. But, to be fair, Hudgens was given much more to work with, plot and dialogue-wise, than what “Falling for Christmas” director Janeen Damian gave Lohan.

If anyone’s too busy taking care of their dead wife’s family’s lodge to catch her comeback to film this holiday season, you can rest easy knowing that Lohan’s booked two more original films with Netflix. “Irish Wish” will be another rom-com with a Lohan appearance. It is currently in post-production and is coming out 2023.

“Falling for Christmas” released Nov. 10, is available to watch on Netflix.