Nothing gives me the ick in the dating scene more than when someone tells me they don’t read. Usually, it is in response to me informing them that I run and work for a newspaper. When a suitor confidently tells me “I don’t read” I respond, “That’s a red flag.”
Reading comes in many different forms. When someone tells me they don’t like to read, I usually do a little digging. Do you read the news? Tabloid stories? Music or video game reviews?
Usually, I can get something out of them, but on the rare occasion that they truly hate to read — well, it’s time to get the bill.
One of the most important benefits of reading is expanding your vocabulary, and it’s why I refuse to date someone who proudly proclaims they hate reading.
To discuss your emotions, your desires, your fears and your future plans — you have to have the right words. Have you ever gotten into an argument with a significant other over a word they used that made you feel bad? Maybe, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”
The keys to these spats over something as silly as tone are emotional intelligence and you guessed it — vocabulary.
I once told someone I was seeing that they were being obstinate. This devolved into a petty squabble over a misunderstanding of the word itself. They thought it meant annoying, I knew it meant stubborn.
Oh, and don’t get me started on those fights about not opening up — like when your partner is obviously upset about something but they just won’t tell you why.
Maybe they say, “I’m sad,” or more than likely they just say “I’m fine.”
This is where emotional intelligence comes into play. A quick Google search reveals “recognition and identification” also known as “what am I feeling?” serves as an integral part of this concept. Expression is next.
If you haven’t had the pleasure of looking at an emotion/feeling wheel, you really should. They cover every feeling in the book from provoked to inquisitive. The more emotions you understand and literally have in your vocabulary, the less likely arguments over these types of things are.
On the other hand, having a command of your emotional words can be incredibly attractive.
Being enamored with someone or astonished by them is far more interesting than just “thinking they’re nice,” right!?
If you can’t communicate your emotions, as I said, I might just stand you up!
So the next time you match with someone on Hinge or you find yourself getting eyes for that cute co-worker, make sure that you both agree — reading is FUNdamental.